(When they’re self- or co-applied)
So I talked a while back about how calling myself an extrovert made me a lot more outgoing. That’s still true, and I’ve found that I’ve been generally a lot happier since figuring that out. I suppose labels are partially to blame for the original problem, of course.
If I hadn’t called myself an introvert, would I still have had such intense social anxiety? I think I would have, if only because I don’t think I knew the word ‘introverted’ until after my social anxiety developed. However, I do think having that label made it more difficult to fight the anxiety.
So that’s one label.
I recently found another label for myself. Kind of. I’m unsure of the exact label, but it’s somewhere in the spectral essence of asexual/demisexual. If I gave it a rating from 1 to 10, with 1 being asexual and 10 being allosexual, I would put myself at a 2.86 (though that number is lowering the more I think about it).
Basic term definitions: An asexual is one who does not feel sexual attraction. A demisexual is one who only feels sexual attraction to those they have developed an emotional connection with. An allosexual is one who feels sexual attraction, which is what most people are. (There are more in between a- and allosexual, but I’m not going to go into them since they’re not relevant). Sexual attraction is the desire to have sex with someone.
That last one is the thing that really matters. See, I can’t remember ever wanting to have sex with anyone. Ever. In fact, I don’t understand why anyone would. I can’t even really comprehend it. For me, I would much rather talk, cuddle, kiss, etc. Apparently most people will randomly see someone in public and think that they’re hot. That’s just weird to me. I don’t even understand the concept of ‘hot’.
This whole idea then feeds into something that’s come up a few times with my family and me. I’ve often said that I don’t understand aesthetic beauty like others seem to. If you show me a ‘beautiful’ sunset, I can appreciate its beauty as a conceptual beauty. It’s cool how the photons from the sun refract through the atmosphere, producing these colors, but the colors themselves are not all that interesting to me. The only time the colors impress me are when they are out of the ordinary, and even then it’s the strangeness that I like, not the color itself.
I’m not entirely sure how closely these are linked, though, since I do appreciate human beauty. While I won’t see someone and think that they’re hot, I might think that they’re super beautiful, but I think they are very different things (like I said, I don’t understand ‘hot’ well enough to say). But then, if I do consider someone beautiful, it doesn’t affect my interactions with them any more than anything else.
Musings complete. I’m bad at conclusions.