Realizations

A few things today. Well, I say today, technically I wrote this the night before it was published because I can do that.

First off, I went to this year’s first poetry jam last night with some people. Interesting thing about poetry, it can be anything you want it to be. Interesting thing about what people want, they use their emotions to want. Interesting thing about emotions, I’m bad at them. Interesting thing about me, I write a poem (pretty much) every day. (http://figment.com/books/883917-Project-365-Random-Poems/)

So of course I’m not about to say that I’ve been writing my poems wrong, after all, I already said they can be whatever I want them to be. However, there was another thing I noticed about the poetry that was read. It had a point. And that’s not the first time I’ve encountered that idea. In Brit Lit last year, I’m afraid I can’t remember who it was, but some British poet said that poetry must have a point. There must be some ultimate enlightening you desire the reader to attain.

Now, if you’ve read my poetry, you know that a lot of them are just random musings, or you don’t understand them at all. Either way, it doesn’t fit with the above requirement, but like I said, poetry is subjective. I’m perfectly allowed to write musings, it’s just very counter to what other people think poetry should be, or just counter to what they think poetry is.

Yet another thing I noticed. The poetry was clear in what it was about. There may have been some ambiguity, but in the end it was all sorted out, and everyone understood what it was really about. My poetry is almost specifically designed to be un-understandable. Certain people might understand it, but that’s only because I’ve told them about whatever the poem is about before they read it.

So why do I do that? Surely it would be better if people actually understood what I wrote? That depends, would you ask if everyone should read and understand your journal? Because that’s what the poems are. They act as my journal of whatever is weighing on my mind at the time, from games to writing, from crushes to God. So if you don’t understand what I write, it could either be because I’m writing nonsense or it could be that I’m writing about something very personal to me.

Well, that turned heavy surprisingly fast. Lightening up time!

Kinda’

Second thing I’m going to mention requires a bit of background, as I don’t believe I’ve mentioned here what my major is in college. Admittedly, most of the people reading this know me personally, but.

I’m currently a game design major. I love game design. I think in systems and see how everything fits together. I love complicated stuff and telling stories. I love game design. However, I did say ‘currently.’ That’s because, while I love game design, I do not love being a game designer.

See, being a game designer and game design are two different things. As a game designer, you do game design as part of your job, but you also spend a lot of your time marketing the game to the people giving you money, which goes back to the first part of this post. I don’t care particularly if you understand what I’m writing even in my general story writing which isn’t journalistic. If you understand it, chances are you’ll at the very least appreciate it and be able to recommend it to a friend that might like it or something like that.

If I don’t care about people understanding me or me marketing myself in what I’m really, truly passionate about, how would you expect me to do that in a secondary passion? So this comes down to that little word, ‘passionate.’ I am really passionate about writing. Even when I realize what I’m bad at, and see how much I’m bad at in my writing, I love it and want to get better with a burning passion that rivals my passion for God.

So I’m almost certainly switching over to writing as my major. When I first started considering switching, I told myself I would wait until registration for next semester’s classes, and if I still felt that way I’d talk to my advisor, but at this rate I’ll be feeling about fifty times this by then, so I don’t think that’s a question I’ll have to ask myself. I’ll definitely still feel this way.

Much happier of a note to end on. Oh, by the way, if you try to find my poems about crushes, you won’t find them. I wrote them in the Ancestor language, so you won’t be able to read them.

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