Implicit

I have no idea how this is going to go. I usually have one topic I cover in a post, but I’m not sure how many I have this time.

First, I went to InterVarsity’s Fall Retreat this past weekend, which is what most of this post will stem from. Note: InterVarsity is “an inter-denominational, evangelical Christian campus ministry” as said by Wikipedia.

In the beginning of college, I had what I determined to be homesickness. I missed coming home to my family, being able to talk about what happened in school and what I was thinking, and listening to them talk about whatever. Having gone to the Fall Retreat, however, I no longer think I was homesick. I think I was, always have been, and now am Christiansick.

I have been deprived of Christians my age throughout my life. I place no fault on anyone but myself, if at all. No one around me, myself included, knew that I was thus deprived. When asked if I missed having kids my age in church, I would say no. I didn’t miss it, but that’s because I’d never really had it. The extent of my friends my age, as of the point in time where it really mattered, were limited to a few that I saw occasionally, and not in church. By the time I was in high school, I was too damaged to make true friends and attributed it to general shyness.

I should probably say that when I say damaged, it is not so violent as it sounds. I was and am damaged by this absence, but I am no more damaged than anyone else; it is only that I chose to analyze and make known my own damage, while others do not often choose to do so.

This damage made the friends (my age) that I did make not true friends. What I mean by true friend is this: someone I would talk to outside of school, talk to of my own accord, and talk to about more than just surface thoughts. Under this definition I had no true friends outside of my family until late senior year of high school, and even those stretch the third criteria.

Entering college, like everyone else, I knew no one. No problem, just make new friends, right? It’s not like it took three and a half years last time…

This is where I explain how I was/am Christiansick and not just lonely. At the Fall Retreat, I had absolutely no trouble what so ever at all talking. That was weird. I have no trouble talking at my college’s InterVarsity chapter, nor at my church’s bible study. Noticing a theme? I have so little trouble talking and being myself around Christians that it’s almost scary. I feel so incredibly free when I’m with other Christians. There is an implicit trust there that doesn’t exist with others.

Speaking to the actual Retreat, I wish it could have gone on much, much longer. Every single person I met was awesome. The worship was awesome. The small group time was awesome (which goes without saying since it was us Champlainers). Everything was awesome!

I want more God in my life, because what little I have is awesome, and now I have tasted and seen the goodness of more.

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