I don’t compliment people a whole lot. Part of this is that I tend to find achievements more valuable than inherent ‘being’s–a fault I am (obviously) aware of–for myself and so compliment the things people do rather than the people themselves. The other part of why I don’t compliment people is that I am highly aware of all the possible outcomes of saying any particular thing.
Obviously, that is an exaggeration, but sadly it is only exaggerating a little bit. Now, there are two different groups where this exhibits itself slightly differently; those being males and females (shush, you anti-dichotomy-ers, you).
With males, I’ve been immersed into the masculine culture that basically says you pretty much only compliment guys on achievements (see above), and many of those achievements tend to be ones I see as failings (e.g. being a ‘player,’ and other such nonsense).
Obviously (a lot of stuff is, huh?), this isn’t a great culture to have, but it’s what we’ve got right now. We are (theoretically) slowly moving away from this culture with each passing generation, and even slower within the current generation. Perhaps I’ll get better at it; we shall see.
But that’s not the point of this post (technically the point is that I felt like I should write a blog post, and it helps procrastinate an essay). The point is on the female side of things. I compliment my y chromosome deficient friends on achievements same as the males. However, unlike the males (where I never even think to compliment their appearance), I think to compliment a lot of my y chromosome deficient friends’ appearances, but then don’t because of the possibility of them taking it the wrong way.
Save for life being strange, the wrong way would be for them to think I like liked them (and not in a rupee stealing way (all of one person got that joke, if that)). While that might be true if I got crushes (yay for abnormality), I don’t, so it’s not true.
While I know that the chance of that happening, especially if I say it in an offhanded way, is extremely low, it’s still there, and I am highly aware of all the possible outcomes of saying any particular thing. I am more aware of the ones that I perceive as negative outcomes, and so I am more likely to not say something.
((BTW, for those of you unconvinced that I’m an ENTP: this is best described as a Ne/Fe loop (part of Jungian psychology), which occurs in ENTPs, not INTPs. Yes, INTPs could have a similar symptom, but it would not be a result of this loop between (thinking they know)/knowing the future possibilities and the social implications of it.))
That’s all. Oh, and life is strange. Especially around Thanksgiving, probably.